Episode: TESD Christmas 2015 Released: 11/27/15 via BandCamp
This rap closes out the 5th Annual TESD Christmas podcast that released on Black Friday and hit #1 on BandCamp!
Featuring Bry, Walt & Q with special guests Ming Chen, GitEm Steve Dave & Sunday Jeff!
Note: I have not posted this track or lyrics as this content is part of a newly-released bonus podcast and contains major spoilers.
Episode: #266.5: Sunday Jeff is Coming to Town Released: 11/13/15 Sampled: Somewhere Over the Rainbow from Wizard of Oz, Peace on Earth/The Little Drummer Boy performed by Sunday Jeff & Sal Volcano
Black Friday and 5800 are dead
Asked for a Jaws board, but got geese instead
Dangling Saint went to Disney, but soon changed course
When Sony8 taped The Chens' then-pending divorce
Can't email stalk girls in '92
Can't expect Ming to err on the size of a shoe
So you know Orlando's the true One-True-Three
(You'll always remember this pod, and maybe you'll remember me)
Ghost Pussy of Christmas Past hates U2
Christmas Future will be on the moon thanks to Q
Christmas Present is on BandCamp in November
Bry's gettin' clams damp saying (throbbing member)
Christmastime, go High/Low on stats
Or raise the stakes higher when ya play for tats
Walt's running games and he's spouting facts
Q can't keep the Santa hats on his cats
(Peace on Earth) Christmas at The Stash...
(Can it be?) Black and sooty clash...
(Years from now...) Seeing moonbeams...
(Perhaps we'll see..) ...at the Lake of Dreams
Act like Tiny Tim, but don't say "tiny" crutch, though
Babe it's cold outside, but I don't wanna fuck, yo!
Wasn't Mike or Jeff who played the kinky Xmas angle
Was Ming who tied his girlfriend up like he was Dr. Tangle
Sunday Jeff, gettin the wrong bike ain't bad,
Just ask Ming - (Ugh, my memories are pretty sad)
Little Cliff dreamed of Santa from his Christmas Eve bed
But hope's disappearing like a church's mini-golf shed
Yule hear holiday cheer as creaked out by Declan
Like Christmas light tours with the Flanagan clan
A frightened black cat scared of Sage & Suzanne
And Sunday Jeff memories of the Tin Man
(Every child must be made aware...) That Black Pete is out there
(Every child must be made to care...) So's the Krampus, Beware!
Father Blood's here to ruin your fun
If you see his hood of pubes, you'd better run
Fuck shit bitch, cock cunt cum -
Santa, wait - that's wasn't me! It's my parasite tongue!
Hollowed out a frog to fill with candy & corn
Played Ming stiletto heels like it's sound effect porn
Modern 34th street Santa gets a pass
Completely beat his rape charge pinching teen elf ass
Cuddle up and stay warm in cold winter weather
Curl up next to Mike... (we have shared a bed together)
'Twas revealed in a prayer eavesdropping truce
Zapcic laid down with Ming as opposed to Rob Bruce
(I pray my wish...) And The Stash wish too...
(...will come true...) It did with Ming's tattoo...
(For my child...) Tables on Bry's list...
(...and your child to) ...now Edgar's pissed
A kid counting pennies for mom's Christmas shoes
John Denver hoping daddy will lay off the booze
If Ming's pods were lost, all of history would switch
(Fuck the Holocaust & fuck you! I Sell Comics, bitch!)
GitEm's at the joint, Trunk Club clothes are stylin'
Frank 3 deducts articulation points from Staten Island
Zen Librarian thinks butt plug trees are great
And the Elf on the Shelf saw Sal masturbate
The North Pole strip club sells mince pies to eat
Please add me to your Christmas card Excel spreadsheet
Before I sign off - Adolph. Now I'm done. Q?
(Merry Xmas, everyone) (Thank you)
(May we live on the moon forever...)
Episode: #229: Motor Dick Released: 12/31/14 Sampled: I'm Eighteen by Alice Cooper, American Girl by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, The Choice is Yours by Black Sheep
(Mike Z, gimme a beat)
Frank 1, 2, 3 - (yo yo)
Walt’s already worried my girl rhymes aren’t legit
But I rep 13% - we’re the ants with a clit
And I won’t quit, lick my NatureBox if you don’t wanna hear it…
(It’s hard for me to rap my head around a female singing these lyrics)
Party at Walt’s! Bring your kids, bring your spouse
Bring food, drinks, and money for the bouncy house
Walt brought the pool, Walt brought his place
Walt brought 2 daughters that’ll paint your face
Don’t bring up the TV show or pod, if you don’t mind
Tell my kids that we’re recording because Bryan’s going blind
Hold up - maybe Bry’s acted blind before
Maybe he’s the guy that GitEm’s girlfriend left him for
TruTV & AMC got your podcast buzz
The results are in, and DeClan Quinn: You ARE Q's cuz
"How'd you buy that Revol Cycle, you 4 Color Demon?"
"Sold Sunday Jeff a vile of George Lucas semen"
Sargel 18’s a recurring heavy-hitter
Looks like Harvey Keitel in Taxi Driver on Twitter
An alchemist, scientist, adorbs, je ne sai quoi
He's at the secret vortex with the orbs & Teleahqua
Bry thought Makin Hay 2 blew! But he don't care, he knows...
(It's a fucking pit of despair )
Just ask Q why there weren't more yuks, he don't give 2 fucks...
(because Collingwood sucks)
Q was all set to buy Git Em nice clothes
But What Say You, Sal – you Dockers-blocking bros?
Ming defends Susan and he never knocks her
Even when she K.O.’d Walter like a P.O. Boxer
Why Q gettin static, does 'skank' mean 'whore'?
Why Walt so dramatic backstage with Paramore?
Why Bry gettin stories that y'all been waitin' for
Why no Funk & Standard commercial with the store?
(Fuck Funk & Standard!)
13 White Castles and you’re In It to Quinn It
Q won a pod & reduced it to a Puck Nut Minute
Who’d be BFF’s if the universe let em?
(In another world, me & Git Em)
When Johnson gets down & is feeling blue
He's more depressing than The Diary of Frank 2
Sunday Jeff’s wife can’t believe Bry’s tattoo
But everyday in this life, you Hit-learn something new
Wolf drugged Sean Patrick but felt bad for hoe’in him
Man Love couldn't hypothesize a woman into blowing him
Who made returns to SunCoast til there’s nothing left? It’s -
(Sunday Jeff, S-Sunday Jeff)
Ring! Ring! Comics! Walt, it's for you, bro -
...But why would Alice Cooper call you up about his show?
Draw what happens in New Mexico on a UFO
To sell as an abduction comic for Psycho Sexy’s dough
Adam & Eve bought ads, which Walt hated
Like a Collingwood Magician, he can't be affiliated
If S&M needs a guest, maybe they could have me on!
Here’s my resume, Ming: Hyundai, Saturn & Neon
Go to ep 1, the start of the chronicle
Ants are sending iPads, Riff Trax, a Monocle
Q’s not invited to a ‘barbe-’ or Christening
That story needs sad music… (J. Sarge, if you’re listening…)
Fan Boy first yelled it from a mall location
Where Walt would bring his fam’ly on a Flanagan vacation
Joint / Counter Joint, high Bry would rant & rave
Q’s off the board & on the mic & Walt says -
(Tell Em Steve-Dave)